Happy Endings by Jon Rance

Author:Jon Rance [Rance, Jon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton
Published: 2013-08-14T23:00:00+00:00

Kate

‘You coming?’ said Bryan, attempting to sound seductive.

‘Just give me a second.’

I was standing in just my underwear.

‘I don’t bite, Kate.’

Bryan was in his hostel dorm bed. The room was empty except us. The other six people who shared the room were downstairs at the bar and they could be back at any moment, drunkenly falling through the door and stopping us in our tracks. A part of me was desperately wishing they would so I didn’t have to go through with this. Not that Bryan was forcing me or making me do anything I didn’t want to. If I wanted out I just had to leave. Say the safe word, not that we had one, but ‘Stop. Put your penis away Bryan,’ would probably be enough.

‘I thought you wanted this,’ said Bryan from under the single, depressingly unromantic, slightly stained sheet of his bed. A single sock lay over the metal headboard above his head.

‘I do. I did. It’s just . . .’

The truth was I didn’t know what I wanted. Downstairs, when Bryan and I were knocking back the drinks, flirting and then kissing in dark corners, it felt all right. I felt all right. It wasn’t the gap-year experience I’d imagined. In fact, it was a million miles from what I’d thought about before I left. But when Bryan grabbed my hand and led me upstairs, I didn’t stop him. I knew what was happening and didn’t have a feeling either way about it. It was almost as if I was watching myself doing it, but couldn’t affect the outcome in any way.

Bryan reached out and held my hand.

‘We don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

‘No, it’s OK,’ I said, slipping out of my underwear and into bed next to Bryan.

He smelt of a mixture of Hugo Boss, cigarettes and lager. I heard voices in the hallway, giggles and the steady bass of the music from the bar. A light from the street angled towards us. Bryan positioned himself on top of me and through the darkness I could just make out his smile, and then he leaned down and began kissing me.

His tongue felt strange and he pushed too hard and a couple of times we hit teeth. He ran his hands over my body, but they were dry and felt alien. Unlike Jez, who had little excess fat and no body hair, Bryan had rolls of extra skin around his waist and slightly flabby man boobs. His chest was hairy and when I reached around I felt hair on his back too. Ed wasn’t in the best shape, but I’d grown with him. When we first met he was more like Jez and I was probably a lot slimmer too. I knew I was. At twenty-one I had been slim, smooth and my skin was taut against my body, before age and bad eating habits had shifted everything south. Ed wasn’t as hairless as Jez, but he took care of himself and I loved his body despite its failings and he loved mine despite its flaws.

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